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When the Lights Go Out: Men’s Mental Health

6/11/2025

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For many men, there comes a time when the world feels dim, when the everyday lights that once seemed steady flicker and fade.


It may not look like the storm of trauma or crisis that’s easy to spot. Instead, it’s a quiet drift: the laughter doesn’t land, the job loses its spark, the relationships feel distant, and you find yourself going through the motions. The light is there, but you can’t seem to reach it.
 
Why It Happens
Men face unique pressures: expectations to be strong, to keep pace, to provide, even when the weight inside them feels heavy. And when the lights go out, many hesitate to raise the alarm. Stigma, habits of silence, or the belief that you must handle it yourself can keep you in the dark much longer than you should. According to Listening 2 U, common issues affecting men’s mental health include depression, anxiety, work-related stress, isolation and too often, they go unspoken. 
 
What It Looks Like
  • Feeling numb, exhausted, or disconnected from who you used to be.
  • Losing interest in things you once enjoyed.
  • Avoiding reaching out because you believe you must be fine on your own.
  • Turning to work, performance, alcohol, or activity to fill the gap.
  • Feeling that admitting you’re struggling would somehow fail you.
 
The Quiet Healing Begins
When the lights go out, healing doesn’t always mean flipping a switch. It often starts with one small move raising your hand for help. At Listening 2 U, we offer counselling spaces where men can talk openly, without judgement, in ways that feel safe and accessible. 
 
Here’s how that move can look:
  • You sit with someone who listens, not to fix you, but to understand you.
  • You acknowledge: “I am tired. I am not okay right now.”
  • You begin to explore what has dimmed the light, work overload, role strain, unresolved trauma, or years of being told to “just tough it out.”
  • You learn not just to cope, but to honour your own needs, protect your boundaries, and rebuild connection with yourself and others.
 
Re-Igniting Your Light
  • Reach out: A phone call, an online session, a chat. Saying “I need help” is strength, not weakness.
  • Reflect: Ask yourself what shifted. What part of you stopped feeling seen? What carried the weight?
  • Small steps matter: A walk, a conversation, a pause. These are lights you build, not switches you flip.
  • Choose connection over isolation: You’re not meant to rebuild in the dark alone.
 
A Gentle Truth
The light may feel gone but it is not lost. It waits, flickering, beneath the surface. You don’t have to rush it. You don’t have to muster strength alone. You only need the courage to reach out for someone to sit with you in the dark until you can see again.
 
 
🌟 Reflection Prompts
  • When did I last feel truly alive or connected to myself?
  • What role or expectation might be dimming my light?
  • Who is the one person I could speak to honestly today?
  • What small act could I do this week that acknowledges: I matter?
 
 
If you’re reading this and your lights feel dim, please know you’re not alone. You deserve support. You deserve to be seen. You deserve your light.

#MensMentalHealth #ItsOkayToTalk #EndTheStigma #MentalHealthAwareness #Listening2U #CounsellingSupport #HealingJourney #YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCompassion #MenMatterToo

 


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Grieving the Loss of a Child: Grief That Changes Everything on a Journey Without a Timeline

20/10/2025

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​There are no easy words when it comes to child bereavement. Losing a child at any age, in any circumstance - is one of the most profound and painful losses a person can experience.


It turns the world upside down, rewriting what we thought life would look like. It’s not just the loss of a life, but the loss of a future, of hopes, of milestones never reached.
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In the silence that often follows such a loss, many parents and families feel isolated. The world may not know how to respond. Friends may not know what to say. And yet, the grief remains - a raw, enduring presence.

Grief Has No Timeline
One of the greatest myths about grief is that it should follow a predictable path or eventually “end.” Child bereavement doesn’t work that way. It may shift or soften in moments, but it never disappears. The love you have for your child doesn’t fade - and neither does the significance of their life, however brief or long it may have been.

Some days may feel lighter, while others bring a surge of sadness or anger. Anniversaries, birthdays, quiet moments - all can reignite grief in ways others may not see. This is normal. Your grief is not something to fix or rush it’s something to honour.

The Importance of Remembering
In child bereavement, remembering can feel both painful and healing. Speaking their name, sharing stories, keeping photos close these are ways of keeping connection alive. They remind us that though death has changed the relationship, the love continues.
It’s okay to find ways to honour your child’s memory:
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  • Lighting candles
  • Creating memory boxes
  • Writing letters to them
  • Marking special days in quiet or meaningful ways

Grief doesn’t erase your role as a parent it transforms it into a quieter, ongoing bond.

You Don’t Have to Be Strong
Many grieving parents feel pressure to “stay strong,” especially for other children, partners, or family. But you don’t have to hold everything together. Grief is heavy. It’s exhausting. It’s okay to fall apart, to ask for help, to allow yourself time to simply be with your feelings.

Support matters whether through counselling, family or trusted friends who can simply sit with you in the hard moments.

A Gentle Reminder
You are not alone. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and it deserves care and space. There is no right way to grieve, no right timeline, no wrong emotions. There is only your way - and it is valid.

In the darkness of child bereavement, moments of light may feel distant. But they can return, quietly, in your own time. Hope doesn’t mean forgetting - it means learning to carry the love forward.

If you’re reading this in the depths of grief, please take this as permission to be gentle with yourself today. Your love matters. Your grief matters. Your story matters.

#ChildLoss #BereavedParents #GriefJourney #LifeAfterLoss #GriefAwareness #YouAreNotAlone #GriefSupport #GrievingParents #LoveAndLoss #HonouringOurChildren #ForeverInMyHeart #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingThroughGrief #RememberingWithLove #Listening2U #GentleGrief #LoveLivesOn #HopeAndHealing #GriefAwareness #BereavementSupport #MentalHealthMatters

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An Ice Bath For The Soul

12/10/2025

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When you hear the phrase ice bath, you may think of something bracing, uncomfortable, and even a little shocking. Yet people willingly immerse themselves in freezing water because of what comes afterwards a renewed sense of clarity, resilience, and vitality. 
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​In many ways, counselling can be thought of as an ice bath for the soul.


The Initial Shock
Beginning therapy often brings a jolt. Suddenly, long-avoided feelings or memories surface. Just like stepping into cold water, the body and mind resist. We want to retreat, to avoid the discomfort. Yet that first wave of intensity is a natural part of meeting ourselves honestly.
 
Staying with the Cold
The true benefit of an ice bath doesn’t come from dipping in and jumping straight out it comes from staying long enough for the body to adapt. In counselling, this is where healing begins. Sitting with sadness, fear, or anger rather than running from them allows us to understand their messages. Supported by the therapeutic relationship, we learn that these feelings, however intense, are survivable.
 
Emerging with Clarity
When you step out of icy water, the world feels different—sharper, more alive. Therapy, too, offers this renewal. By exploring painful experiences in a safe, compassionate space, we begin to integrate what we’ve learned and carry it into our daily lives. The result is not just relief but a deeper connection with ourselves, and often with others too.
 
A Brave and Gentle Process
An ice bath for the soul isn’t about punishment or endurance—it’s about awakening. Counselling provides a container of safety so you don’t have to plunge in alone. You can go at your own pace—sometimes dipping a toe, sometimes immersing more deeply—with the support of someone walking alongside you.
 
Reflection
To choose therapy is to choose courage. It’s to say, “I am willing to face the cold so that I can find warmth again.” An ice bath for the soul may be uncomfortable at first, but it holds the possibility of clarity, healing, and renewal on the other side.

 
#HealingJourney #Counselling #TherapyBlog #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #InnerStrength #Mindfulness #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthAwareness #Listening2u #IceBathForTheSoul #CounsellingSupport #TherapyReflections #MindfulnessPractice #SelfDiscovery #InnerStrength #TherapyWorks #ResilienceBuilding #WellbeingJourney

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Parent or Predator? Untangling Love, Control, and the Path to Healing

28/9/2025

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​The relationship between parent and child is often idealised as one of unconditional love, safety, and care. But what happens when the person who was supposed to protect you becomes the one who hurts you?


​When the hands that should have nurtured instead left scars, the confusion can run deep.

Abuse from a parent isn’t just painful it’s disorienting. The very person who shaped your sense of self also distorted it. You may be left asking: Was that really love? Or was it control, fear, and harm disguised as care?

One of the hardest truths to face is this: being a parent does not automatically mean being loving. Abuse doesn’t become less harmful just because it comes from someone who raised you. And love should never require the erasure of your boundaries, safety, or dignity.

They may have brought you into this world, shaped your earliest years, or even provided the basics of survival, but that does not mean they automatically earn the right to your love. Love is not a debt we owe, nor is it a duty bound to biology. True love is nurtured through care, safety, and respect. If a parent has caused harm, your choice to protect yourself, even if that means withholding your love is not cruelty; it is self-preservation. You get to decide who deserves a place in your heart, and no one, not even the people who made you, has the right to demand it.

Untangling love and abuse means recognising that both can’t coexist in the same breath. Love honours. Abuse diminishes. Love protects. Abuse exploits. If you grew up with a parent who blurred those lines, your healing may begin with naming the truth: what you experienced was not love.

From there, healing can look like reclaiming your boundaries, relearning what safe love feels like, and giving yourself permission to grieve what you didn’t receive. It might also mean cutting ties or creating distance not out of bitterness, but out of self-respect.

You are not obligated to love those who harmed you. You are not required to carry their choices as your burden. What you do deserve is love that uplifts, protects, and respects you. And that begins with the love you give yourself.
 
 
#ParentOrPredator #BreakingTheCycle #HealingFromAbuse #ChildhoodTrauma #ToxicParents #FamilyAbuseAwareness #YouAreNotAlone #CounsellingSupport #EmotionalHealing #SurvivorVoices #TraumaRecovery #BoundariesMatter #SelfCompassion #HealingJourney #ReclaimYourPower #MentalHealthAwareness #InnerStrength #ChoosingYourself #HealthyBoundaries #Listening2U #FamilyDynamics #HealingJourney #FindingYourVoice #HealthyBoundaries #SelfDiscovery #InnerHealing #YouAreEnough #BreakingPatterns #EmotionalWellbeing #ChoosingYourself #CounsellingSupport #PersonalGrowth #GentleHealing #SelfCompassion #ReclaimYourself #WellbeingJourney #Listening2U #LifeLessons #EmpoweredLiving #HealingTogether

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Chasing Rainbows: Finding Hope After the Storm

17/9/2025

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There’s something about a rainbow that stops us in our tracks.



It’s fleeting, fragile, and yet utterly captivating a splash of colour stretching across the sky, reminding us that even the heaviest of storms can give way to something beautiful.

In many ways, healing is like chasing rainbows.
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The Storm
When life throws us into grief, trauma, or hardship, it can feel like the storm will never end. The clouds hang low, the rain pours down, and the weight of it all feels unrelenting. In these moments, hope can seem impossible. It’s easy to believe the light will never break through.

But storms are part of nature, just as struggles are part of being human. They don’t erase the possibility of brighter skies, they just make it harder to see them in the moment.

The Rainbow
Rainbows don’t happen without rain. The very thing that feels heavy and overwhelming is also what makes the rainbow possible. In the same way, our most difficult experiences often create space for growth, connection, and resilience.

Hope doesn’t mean denying pain or pretending everything is fine. It’s about trusting that something can come after. That the storm won’t last forever. That colours will return, even if they look different than before.

Chasing Hope
We may not be able to control when or how the rainbow appears, but we can choose to keep looking for it. Hope can be found in the smallest of places:
  • A kind word when you needed it most
  • A moment of laughter in the middle of tears
  • The courage to take one more step, even when it feels impossible
These small flashes of colour are reminders that light still exists.
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After the Storm
When the rainbow finally comes into view, it doesn’t erase the storm that came before. The grief, pain, or struggle is still part of the story. But the rainbow reminds us that beauty and hardship can coexist—that life is never just one thing.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the storm. It means learning to carry its memory while still allowing ourselves to be open to colour, light, and new beginnings.
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If you’re in the middle of a storm right now, hold on. Your rainbow may not be here yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t coming. And when it does, it will be all the more precious because of what you’ve endured.

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#ChasingRainbows #FindingHope #HealingJourney #LifeAfterTheStorm #ResilienceBuilding #EmotionalHealing #TherapyReflections #CounsellingSupport #SelfCompassion #MentalHealthAwareness #GrowthAndHealing #HopeAfterHardship #WellbeingJourney #InnerStrength #Listening2U


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Fill Up Your Own Cup – and Let People Fall in Love with the Overflow

2/9/2025

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There’s a quiet kind of wisdom in this quote. So many of us spend our energy pouring into others - giving our time, care, support, attention - hoping to feel valued, connected, or simply enough. But over time, the cost of giving without replenishing becomes clear. We end up tired. Numb. Lost. Resentful. Empty.

And maybe, deep down, a little forgotten by ourselves.

But what if the starting point wasn’t others?

What if it was you?

Filling your own cup doesn’t mean being selfish or shutting the world out. It means tending to your needs before they become emergencies. It means listening to your body. Taking space when you need it. Saying no with kindness. Holding boundaries without apology. It means honouring yourself as a whole person - not just a source of help, care, or strength for someone else.

And here’s the beautiful part: when your cup is full, what flows out of you - your kindness, energy, love - is no longer draining. It’s generous and sustainable. It comes from a place of abundance, not depletion. You’re not giving from your survival—you’re sharing from your overflow.

This shift can change everything. In relationships. In work. In the way you speak to yourself. You stop needing people to validate your worth or meet every unmet need, because you’re showing up for yourself in a consistent, loving way.

And that overflow - the joy, the groundedness, the sense of peace you carry—becomes magnetic.

People aren’t drawn to the parts of you that hustle for belonging.

They fall in love with the part of you that already knows you belong.


Therapy can be a space where you reconnect with yourself, refill your cup, and begin to explore what it means to live from that overflow.

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#SelfCareMatters #MindfulLiving #Boundaries #EmotionalWellbeing #HealingJourney #TherapyTools #PersonalGrowth #SelfLove #WellnessBlog #Listening2u

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A Space of No Reason

19/8/2025

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​There is a quiet space many people don’t talk about. A space where logic disappears, where explanations seem out of reach, where everything feels heavy and nothing seems to make sense.

In my world of mental health, I call this the space of no reason—and it’s something I’ve witnessed time and again in people who struggle with suicidal thoughts.

Often, the question people ask after hearing about a suicide is,

Why?
Why would they do this?
Why didn’t they ask for help?
Why couldn’t they see how much they mattered?

And sometimes, the honest answer is: there was no clear why. No single reason, no dramatic moment, no straightforward story. Just a crushing weight of hopelessness, loneliness, exhaustion, or pain that became too much to bear. A moment where the mind stopped reasoning, and survival felt impossible.

When someone is in that space, they’re not thinking about the future or about their worth. They’re thinking about escape. About relief. About making the unbearable stop.

It’s important we understand this not to justify suicide, but to soften the harsh judgments we place on those who struggle. To realise that suicidal thoughts are often the symptom of overwhelming pain, not selfishness or weakness.

If you’ve ever been in that space yourself, I want you to know:
  • You are not broken.
  • You are not a burden.
  • You don’t have to explain your pain for it to be valid.
  • And most importantly—you are not alone.

There are ways back from the space of no reason. Sometimes they’re small, sometimes they’re messy, but they are there. It might start with telling just one person how you really feel. It might be calling a helpline, reaching out to a counsellor, or simply taking the next breath.
For those supporting someone who is struggling, it’s not about having the right words. It’s about presence. About sitting with them in their pain without pushing them to explain it. About reminding them they are worthy of help, even when they can’t see it themselves.

Suicidal thoughts don’t always follow reason—but hope can quietly coexist with hopelessness. Recovery doesn’t require everything to make sense; it starts with being seen, being heard, and being held in the storm.

If you are in that space today, please reach out.
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You deserve to be here.
You deserve support.
You deserve life.

Thank you for letting me share these reflections. Even in the space of no reason, your life still matters - Stay gentle with yourself and let someone hold space for you.  Let's find a reason for living.


#SuicideAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #YouAreNotAlone #EndTheStigma #HopeAndHealing #CounsellingSupport #HoldSpace #ItsOkayToTalk #MentalHealthAwareness #CompassionInAction #Listening2U #HealingJourney #Wellbeing #SelfCompassion #EmotionalWellbeing

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Trusting the Process: A Moment That Stopped Me in My Tracks

23/7/2025

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Some moments come quietly but leave a lasting impact - this one arrived through a message.

Every now and then, something lands with such clarity and truth, it echoes — not always in the therapy room, but sometimes in the in-between spaces, where life is happening in real time. One of those moments happened recently.
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A client was struggling, and we were exchanging messages over WhatsApp. In the midst of it, they shared something that stopped me in my tracks:
 
“I loved me then; but I didn’t know it. I love me more now — and I do.”

And then:

“It just came to me. It’s the clearest, truest thing I’ve ever thought about myself. That’s not progress — that’s smashing it.”
 
Their words were raw, honest, and deeply powerful. They weren’t seeking reassurance or approval — they were speaking a truth that had risen to the surface, unfiltered and alive. This wasn’t just self-reflection; it was reclamation. This was self-connection.
 
This client has done the courageous work of healing: feeling, facing, and growing — even on the days it felt too much. They’ve trusted the process, not blindly, but with curiosity, resilience, and moments of grace like this one. And what emerged was something that had always been there: a relationship with themselves that was once hidden, now honoured.
 
This wasn’t just a breakthrough — it was a profound realisation of self-compassion, healing, and reclaimed identity. Not from someone who’s had it easy, but from someone who’s shown up for themselves again and again, even when it was hard. They came to know and accept themselves in a way that words can only begin to touch.
 
Therapy isn’t about fixing. It’s about discovering. Peeling back the layers until you reach something real, something that’s always been there, waiting to be heard. For this client, that truth didn’t come in a grand moment — it arrived gently, powerfully, and unmistakably.
 
As a therapist, these are the moments that remind me why I do this work. Not because of outcomes or achievements, but because someone, in their own time and their own words, realised their worth — past and present.
 
It was a proud moment. Not mine to claim, but mine to witness.


Written with the clients consent.


#TherapyJourney #SelfCompassion #HealingInProgress #CounsellingSupport #InnerStrength #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfDiscovery #GrowthAndHealing #CompassionateTherapy #YouAreEnough #Listening2U #MomentsThatMatter #QuietBreakthroughs #HealingJourney #SelfLove #InnerHealing #PersonalGrowth #HealingTogether  #GrowthMindset #EmotionalWellbeing #QuietStrength #Resilience


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Reflections from a Therapist Who Listens

19/7/2025

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One of the most common questions I’m asked—whether by clients, trainees, or friends—is, “What is it really like to sit in the therapist’s chair?”


The honest answer? It’s a privilege. A quiet, sacred kind of privilege.

From my side of the chair, I witness courage every day. I see people show up in their messiness, their uncertainty, their pain—and still, they keep going. I sit with grief that feels unbearable, stories that have never been told out loud, and moments of joy that surprise both of us. I hold space for the parts people often hide from the world… and sometimes even from themselves.

Listening is more than hearing words. It’s paying attention to the silences, the hesitations, the shift in posture. It’s noticing what’s unsaid just as much as what is shared. Listening, in therapy, is an active process of being fully present—not fixing, not judging, not rushing to solve. Just being with someone in their experience.

Sometimes I think people assume therapists have all the answers. We don’t. But what we offer is presence—a space where someone can feel heard, seen, and valued exactly as they are. And often, that’s where healing begins.

Therapy isn’t always about big breakthroughs. More often, it’s the gentle, consistent noticing:

“I hear you.”
“That makes sense.”
“You matter here.”


From my side of the chair, I see the quiet power of listening. It softens walls, it steadies storms, and it reminds us that we are all deeply human—messy, complicated, worthy of compassion.
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Thank you for letting me share these reflections. And if you take anything from this post, I hope it’s this: You deserve to be listened to, too.

​#TherapistsChair #HealingJourney #TherapyReflections #ListeningWithCompassion #CounsellingSupport #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfCompassion #YouMatter #TherapyWorks #HoldingSpace #EmotionalWellbeing #PresenceAndHealing #HumanConnection #Listening2U

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    ​From My Side of the Chair - Counselling Reflections by Listening 2 U

    Welcome to From My Side of the Chair, a counselling and therapy blog written from the perspective of a counsellor and supervisor. I work integratively, with a strong foundation in the person-centred approach, and this space is where I share honest reflections on therapy, healing, and human connection.

    Through these posts, I explore what I notice in the counselling room, what moves me, what challenges me, and what I continue to learn from the people I sit alongside. Each reflection offers insight into the therapeutic journey, seen through compassion, curiosity, and presence.

    Whether you’re considering counselling, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking a moment of reflection, I hope these writings offer something that resonates. This is a space where being heard, seen, and understood matters because every ripple of healing begins with listening.

    Thank you for visiting and for reading, from My Side Of The Chair.

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