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From Self-Sabotage to Self-Compassion: Changing the Inner Script

7/1/2026

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​We all have an inner voice. Sometimes it encourages us, celebrates us, and reminds us of our worth. But for many people, that inner voice can also be harsh, critical, or even destructive, leading to a pattern we call self-sabotage.
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Self-sabotage shows up in different ways: procrastination, doubting our abilities, staying in unhealthy relationships, or giving up before we’ve even begun. On the surface, it looks like we’re working against ourselves. But underneath, self-sabotage often comes from a place of fear, protection, or old survival strategies.
 
Why We Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage isn’t proof of weakness, it’s often a sign that part of us is scared. Scared of failure, of rejection, of not being enough. Sometimes it even comes from being scared of success, because success might bring pressure or change we don’t feel ready for.
 
In this way, self-sabotage can be seen not as our enemy, but as an outdated coping mechanism. A younger part of us learned to stay small, stay quiet, or stay safe. The problem is, when we carry that script into adulthood, it holds us back from living fully.
 
The Shift Toward Self-Compassion
The good news is, we can rewrite this script. The first step is noticing it—becoming aware of the moments when we shrink ourselves, delay our goals, or talk ourselves out of opportunities. Instead of shaming ourselves for these patterns, what if we responded with compassion?
 
Self-compassion invites us to say:


  • “I see you’re scared, and that’s okay.”
  • “You don’t have to be perfect to take this step.”
  • “I’ve struggled before, and I’m still worthy of trying again.”
 
When we meet self-sabotage with kindness rather than criticism, the pattern begins to loosen. Over time, the inner critic softens, and a more supportive voice can emerge.
 
Practical Steps to Change the Inner Script
  • Pause and notice: Catch yourself in the act of self-sabotage. Name it for what it is.
  • Get curious: Ask gently, “What am I afraid of here?” or “What part of me is trying to protect me?”
  • Reframe the voice: Replace criticism with encouragement. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
  • Celebrate small steps: Every time you choose action, kindness, or courage, you’re rewriting the script.
 
A Gentle Reminder
You are not your self-sabotage. Those patterns are echoes of the past, not the truth of who you are. With awareness and self-compassion, you can begin to shift from being your own harshest critic to being your own greatest ally.
 
Healing isn’t about never stumbling, it’s about learning to speak to yourself with the same care and encouragement you’d offer to someone you love.
 
Because the journey from self-sabotage to self-compassion isn’t about becoming someone new, it’s about remembering you already are enough.

#SelfCompassion #HealingJourney #EndSelfSabotage #TherapyReflections #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellbeing #SelfKindness #YouAreEnough #MindfulHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #GrowthMindset #CounsellingSupport #InnerStrength #SelfHealing #CompassionInAction #TherapyJourney #QuietHealing #Listening2U #SelfLove #BreakingPatterns #Listening2U



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Is Your Glass Half Full Or Half Empty?

15/12/2025

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Maybe it's just the wrong size glass.

We’ve all heard the classic question: “Is the glass half full or half empty?” It's usually used to measure optimism or pessimism - a quick gauge of how we see the world.

But what if we’re asking the wrong question?
What if the issue isn’t whether the glass is half full or half empty… but whether the glass fits us at all?

Sometimes in life, we’re holding a glass that’s simply too big. Expectations - our own or others’ - stretch us. We measure ourselves against standards or ideals that don’t match who we are or what we need. And then we feel lacking. Inadequate. Not enough.

But maybe we are enough. Maybe our glass is overflowing - we're just pouring it into the wrong vessel.

In therapy, I often meet people who feel they’re “failing” in some way. Failing to cope. Failing to be happy. Failing to keep up. But when we explore more deeply, it becomes clear that they’re not failing - they’re exhausted from trying to fit into a shape that isn’t theirs.

Healing often starts not with changing ourselves, but with questioning the size and shape of the metaphorical glass we’ve been handed.

What if we chose a smaller glass? A different design? Something hand-blown and imperfect, but uniquely ours?

In that smaller glass, our resources might feel more abundant. Our capacity, more visible. Our strengths, easier to recognise.

Maybe it’s not about being more. Maybe it’s about redefining what enough looks like.
So the next time you find yourself wondering whether your glass is half full or half empty - pause. Look at the glass itself.

Ask yourself: Is this even the right size for me?

If you’re feeling drained or stretched thin, therapy can be a space to explore what truly fits you - without judgement. You don’t have to keep pouring yourself into something that was never meant for you.

Reach out if you’re curious to begin that conversation.

#RedefiningEnough #HealingJourney #TherapyReflections #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthAwareness #CounsellingSupport #EmotionalWellbeing #InnerStrength #MindfulLiving #YouAreEnough #ResilienceBuilding #TherapyJourney #Listening2U #LifeLessons #PerspectiveShift #GrowthMindset

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Who Are You Without the Roles You Play?

1/12/2025

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We all wear roles like second skin. Parent. Partner. Professional. Friend. Caregiver. The list is endless. These roles can be meaningful, fulfilling, and deeply important but they can also become so consuming that we forget who we are beneath them.
 

Have you ever paused to ask yourself: Who am I without the roles I play?
 
The Weight of Roles
Roles often come with expectations. Some are spoken, many are silent. We’re praised for being reliable, for always showing up, for putting others first. Over time, it can start to feel like our worth is tied only to how well we perform in those roles.
 
But what happens when a role changes or disappears? When the children grow up, when the career shifts, when relationships end? Many people describe feeling lost in these moments, unsure of who they are without the labels and responsibilities that once defined them.
 
The Person Beneath
Beneath every role is a person a self that existed before the roles and will remain after. That self might be quieter, less obvious, but it holds your core values, your longings, and your unique way of experiencing the world.
In therapy, I often see clients rediscover this part of themselves. They come in saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” But as we explore, pieces emerge: creativity, humour, curiosity, gentleness, resilience. Qualities that belong not to a role, but to them.
 
Reconnecting With Yourself
You don’t have to abandon your roles to reconnect with yourself. Instead, it’s about loosening the grip they have on your identity. Here are some gentle invitations to try:
 
  • Notice your language: Do you describe yourself only in terms of your roles? (“I’m a mum,” “I’m a teacher.”) What happens if you also name qualities (“I’m thoughtful,” “I’m imaginative”)?
  • Create space that’s just yours: Even small rituals such as journaling, walking, reading, can remind you that you exist beyond what you do for others.
  • Explore what lights you up: When you’re not performing a role, what brings you joy or peace? Follow that spark.
  • Allow yourself to change: You are more than a fixed identity. It’s okay to grow, shift, and rediscover parts of yourself over time.
 
A Gentle Reminder
Your roles matter, but they don’t define your worth. Beneath every responsibility, every expectation, is you. Whole, human, and enough.
So the question isn’t just Who are you without the roles you play? It’s also: How can you let that self breathe a little more today?

#TrueSelf #IdentityBeyondRoles #HealingJourney #TherapyReflections #SelfDiscovery #CounsellingSupport #EmotionalWellbeing #MindfulLiving #YouAreEnough #LifeBalance #InnerStrength #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthAwareness #GentleHealing #Listening2U #SelfCompassion #RediscoverYourself #TherapyJourney #Wellbeing #Listening2U
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When the Lights Go Out: Men’s Mental Health

6/11/2025

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For many men, there comes a time when the world feels dim, when the everyday lights that once seemed steady flicker and fade.


It may not look like the storm of trauma or crisis that’s easy to spot. Instead, it’s a quiet drift: the laughter doesn’t land, the job loses its spark, the relationships feel distant, and you find yourself going through the motions. The light is there, but you can’t seem to reach it.
 
Why It Happens
Men face unique pressures: expectations to be strong, to keep pace, to provide, even when the weight inside them feels heavy. And when the lights go out, many hesitate to raise the alarm. Stigma, habits of silence, or the belief that you must handle it yourself can keep you in the dark much longer than you should. According to Listening 2 U, common issues affecting men’s mental health include depression, anxiety, work-related stress, isolation and too often, they go unspoken. 
 
What It Looks Like
  • Feeling numb, exhausted, or disconnected from who you used to be.
  • Losing interest in things you once enjoyed.
  • Avoiding reaching out because you believe you must be fine on your own.
  • Turning to work, performance, alcohol, or activity to fill the gap.
  • Feeling that admitting you’re struggling would somehow fail you.
 
The Quiet Healing Begins
When the lights go out, healing doesn’t always mean flipping a switch. It often starts with one small move raising your hand for help. At Listening 2 U, we offer counselling spaces where men can talk openly, without judgement, in ways that feel safe and accessible. 
 
Here’s how that move can look:
  • You sit with someone who listens, not to fix you, but to understand you.
  • You acknowledge: “I am tired. I am not okay right now.”
  • You begin to explore what has dimmed the light, work overload, role strain, unresolved trauma, or years of being told to “just tough it out.”
  • You learn not just to cope, but to honour your own needs, protect your boundaries, and rebuild connection with yourself and others.
 
Re-Igniting Your Light
  • Reach out: A phone call, an online session, a chat. Saying “I need help” is strength, not weakness.
  • Reflect: Ask yourself what shifted. What part of you stopped feeling seen? What carried the weight?
  • Small steps matter: A walk, a conversation, a pause. These are lights you build, not switches you flip.
  • Choose connection over isolation: You’re not meant to rebuild in the dark alone.
 
A Gentle Truth
The light may feel gone but it is not lost. It waits, flickering, beneath the surface. You don’t have to rush it. You don’t have to muster strength alone. You only need the courage to reach out for someone to sit with you in the dark until you can see again.
 
 
🌟 Reflection Prompts
  • When did I last feel truly alive or connected to myself?
  • What role or expectation might be dimming my light?
  • Who is the one person I could speak to honestly today?
  • What small act could I do this week that acknowledges: I matter?
 
 
If you’re reading this and your lights feel dim, please know you’re not alone. You deserve support. You deserve to be seen. You deserve your light.

#MensMentalHealth #ItsOkayToTalk #EndTheStigma #MentalHealthAwareness #Listening2U #CounsellingSupport #HealingJourney #YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCompassion #MenMatterToo

 


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Grieving the Loss of a Child: Grief That Changes Everything on a Journey Without a Timeline

20/10/2025

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​There are no easy words when it comes to child bereavement. Losing a child at any age, in any circumstance - is one of the most profound and painful losses a person can experience.


It turns the world upside down, rewriting what we thought life would look like. It’s not just the loss of a life, but the loss of a future, of hopes, of milestones never reached.
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In the silence that often follows such a loss, many parents and families feel isolated. The world may not know how to respond. Friends may not know what to say. And yet, the grief remains - a raw, enduring presence.

Grief Has No Timeline
One of the greatest myths about grief is that it should follow a predictable path or eventually “end.” Child bereavement doesn’t work that way. It may shift or soften in moments, but it never disappears. The love you have for your child doesn’t fade - and neither does the significance of their life, however brief or long it may have been.

Some days may feel lighter, while others bring a surge of sadness or anger. Anniversaries, birthdays, quiet moments - all can reignite grief in ways others may not see. This is normal. Your grief is not something to fix or rush it’s something to honour.

The Importance of Remembering
In child bereavement, remembering can feel both painful and healing. Speaking their name, sharing stories, keeping photos close these are ways of keeping connection alive. They remind us that though death has changed the relationship, the love continues.
It’s okay to find ways to honour your child’s memory:
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  • Lighting candles
  • Creating memory boxes
  • Writing letters to them
  • Marking special days in quiet or meaningful ways

Grief doesn’t erase your role as a parent it transforms it into a quieter, ongoing bond.

You Don’t Have to Be Strong
Many grieving parents feel pressure to “stay strong,” especially for other children, partners, or family. But you don’t have to hold everything together. Grief is heavy. It’s exhausting. It’s okay to fall apart, to ask for help, to allow yourself time to simply be with your feelings.

Support matters whether through counselling, family or trusted friends who can simply sit with you in the hard moments.

A Gentle Reminder
You are not alone. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and it deserves care and space. There is no right way to grieve, no right timeline, no wrong emotions. There is only your way - and it is valid.

In the darkness of child bereavement, moments of light may feel distant. But they can return, quietly, in your own time. Hope doesn’t mean forgetting - it means learning to carry the love forward.

If you’re reading this in the depths of grief, please take this as permission to be gentle with yourself today. Your love matters. Your grief matters. Your story matters.

#ChildLoss #BereavedParents #GriefJourney #LifeAfterLoss #GriefAwareness #YouAreNotAlone #GriefSupport #GrievingParents #LoveAndLoss #HonouringOurChildren #ForeverInMyHeart #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingThroughGrief #RememberingWithLove #Listening2U #GentleGrief #LoveLivesOn #HopeAndHealing #GriefAwareness #BereavementSupport #MentalHealthMatters

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An Ice Bath For The Soul

12/10/2025

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When you hear the phrase ice bath, you may think of something bracing, uncomfortable, and even a little shocking. Yet people willingly immerse themselves in freezing water because of what comes afterwards a renewed sense of clarity, resilience, and vitality. 
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​In many ways, counselling can be thought of as an ice bath for the soul.


The Initial Shock
Beginning therapy often brings a jolt. Suddenly, long-avoided feelings or memories surface. Just like stepping into cold water, the body and mind resist. We want to retreat, to avoid the discomfort. Yet that first wave of intensity is a natural part of meeting ourselves honestly.
 
Staying with the Cold
The true benefit of an ice bath doesn’t come from dipping in and jumping straight out it comes from staying long enough for the body to adapt. In counselling, this is where healing begins. Sitting with sadness, fear, or anger rather than running from them allows us to understand their messages. Supported by the therapeutic relationship, we learn that these feelings, however intense, are survivable.
 
Emerging with Clarity
When you step out of icy water, the world feels different—sharper, more alive. Therapy, too, offers this renewal. By exploring painful experiences in a safe, compassionate space, we begin to integrate what we’ve learned and carry it into our daily lives. The result is not just relief but a deeper connection with ourselves, and often with others too.
 
A Brave and Gentle Process
An ice bath for the soul isn’t about punishment or endurance—it’s about awakening. Counselling provides a container of safety so you don’t have to plunge in alone. You can go at your own pace—sometimes dipping a toe, sometimes immersing more deeply—with the support of someone walking alongside you.
 
Reflection
To choose therapy is to choose courage. It’s to say, “I am willing to face the cold so that I can find warmth again.” An ice bath for the soul may be uncomfortable at first, but it holds the possibility of clarity, healing, and renewal on the other side.

 
#HealingJourney #Counselling #TherapyBlog #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #InnerStrength #Mindfulness #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthAwareness #Listening2u #IceBathForTheSoul #CounsellingSupport #TherapyReflections #MindfulnessPractice #SelfDiscovery #InnerStrength #TherapyWorks #ResilienceBuilding #WellbeingJourney

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Parent or Predator? Untangling Love, Control, and the Path to Healing

28/9/2025

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​The relationship between parent and child is often idealised as one of unconditional love, safety, and care. But what happens when the person who was supposed to protect you becomes the one who hurts you?


​When the hands that should have nurtured instead left scars, the confusion can run deep.

Abuse from a parent isn’t just painful it’s disorienting. The very person who shaped your sense of self also distorted it. You may be left asking: Was that really love? Or was it control, fear, and harm disguised as care?

One of the hardest truths to face is this: being a parent does not automatically mean being loving. Abuse doesn’t become less harmful just because it comes from someone who raised you. And love should never require the erasure of your boundaries, safety, or dignity.

They may have brought you into this world, shaped your earliest years, or even provided the basics of survival, but that does not mean they automatically earn the right to your love. Love is not a debt we owe, nor is it a duty bound to biology. True love is nurtured through care, safety, and respect. If a parent has caused harm, your choice to protect yourself, even if that means withholding your love is not cruelty; it is self-preservation. You get to decide who deserves a place in your heart, and no one, not even the people who made you, has the right to demand it.

Untangling love and abuse means recognising that both can’t coexist in the same breath. Love honours. Abuse diminishes. Love protects. Abuse exploits. If you grew up with a parent who blurred those lines, your healing may begin with naming the truth: what you experienced was not love.

From there, healing can look like reclaiming your boundaries, relearning what safe love feels like, and giving yourself permission to grieve what you didn’t receive. It might also mean cutting ties or creating distance not out of bitterness, but out of self-respect.

You are not obligated to love those who harmed you. You are not required to carry their choices as your burden. What you do deserve is love that uplifts, protects, and respects you. And that begins with the love you give yourself.
 
 
#ParentOrPredator #BreakingTheCycle #HealingFromAbuse #ChildhoodTrauma #ToxicParents #FamilyAbuseAwareness #YouAreNotAlone #CounsellingSupport #EmotionalHealing #SurvivorVoices #TraumaRecovery #BoundariesMatter #SelfCompassion #HealingJourney #ReclaimYourPower #MentalHealthAwareness #InnerStrength #ChoosingYourself #HealthyBoundaries #Listening2U #FamilyDynamics #HealingJourney #FindingYourVoice #HealthyBoundaries #SelfDiscovery #InnerHealing #YouAreEnough #BreakingPatterns #EmotionalWellbeing #ChoosingYourself #CounsellingSupport #PersonalGrowth #GentleHealing #SelfCompassion #ReclaimYourself #WellbeingJourney #Listening2U #LifeLessons #EmpoweredLiving #HealingTogether

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Chasing Rainbows: Finding Hope After the Storm

17/9/2025

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There’s something about a rainbow that stops us in our tracks.



It’s fleeting, fragile, and yet utterly captivating a splash of colour stretching across the sky, reminding us that even the heaviest of storms can give way to something beautiful.

In many ways, healing is like chasing rainbows.
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The Storm
When life throws us into grief, trauma, or hardship, it can feel like the storm will never end. The clouds hang low, the rain pours down, and the weight of it all feels unrelenting. In these moments, hope can seem impossible. It’s easy to believe the light will never break through.

But storms are part of nature, just as struggles are part of being human. They don’t erase the possibility of brighter skies, they just make it harder to see them in the moment.

The Rainbow
Rainbows don’t happen without rain. The very thing that feels heavy and overwhelming is also what makes the rainbow possible. In the same way, our most difficult experiences often create space for growth, connection, and resilience.

Hope doesn’t mean denying pain or pretending everything is fine. It’s about trusting that something can come after. That the storm won’t last forever. That colours will return, even if they look different than before.

Chasing Hope
We may not be able to control when or how the rainbow appears, but we can choose to keep looking for it. Hope can be found in the smallest of places:
  • A kind word when you needed it most
  • A moment of laughter in the middle of tears
  • The courage to take one more step, even when it feels impossible
These small flashes of colour are reminders that light still exists.
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After the Storm
When the rainbow finally comes into view, it doesn’t erase the storm that came before. The grief, pain, or struggle is still part of the story. But the rainbow reminds us that beauty and hardship can coexist—that life is never just one thing.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the storm. It means learning to carry its memory while still allowing ourselves to be open to colour, light, and new beginnings.
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If you’re in the middle of a storm right now, hold on. Your rainbow may not be here yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t coming. And when it does, it will be all the more precious because of what you’ve endured.

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#ChasingRainbows #FindingHope #HealingJourney #LifeAfterTheStorm #ResilienceBuilding #EmotionalHealing #TherapyReflections #CounsellingSupport #SelfCompassion #MentalHealthAwareness #GrowthAndHealing #HopeAfterHardship #WellbeingJourney #InnerStrength #Listening2U


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Fill Up Your Own Cup – and Let People Fall in Love with the Overflow

2/9/2025

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There’s a quiet kind of wisdom in this quote. So many of us spend our energy pouring into others - giving our time, care, support, attention - hoping to feel valued, connected, or simply enough. But over time, the cost of giving without replenishing becomes clear. We end up tired. Numb. Lost. Resentful. Empty.

And maybe, deep down, a little forgotten by ourselves.

But what if the starting point wasn’t others?

What if it was you?

Filling your own cup doesn’t mean being selfish or shutting the world out. It means tending to your needs before they become emergencies. It means listening to your body. Taking space when you need it. Saying no with kindness. Holding boundaries without apology. It means honouring yourself as a whole person - not just a source of help, care, or strength for someone else.

And here’s the beautiful part: when your cup is full, what flows out of you - your kindness, energy, love - is no longer draining. It’s generous and sustainable. It comes from a place of abundance, not depletion. You’re not giving from your survival—you’re sharing from your overflow.

This shift can change everything. In relationships. In work. In the way you speak to yourself. You stop needing people to validate your worth or meet every unmet need, because you’re showing up for yourself in a consistent, loving way.

And that overflow - the joy, the groundedness, the sense of peace you carry—becomes magnetic.

People aren’t drawn to the parts of you that hustle for belonging.

They fall in love with the part of you that already knows you belong.


Therapy can be a space where you reconnect with yourself, refill your cup, and begin to explore what it means to live from that overflow.

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#SelfCareMatters #MindfulLiving #Boundaries #EmotionalWellbeing #HealingJourney #TherapyTools #PersonalGrowth #SelfLove #WellnessBlog #Listening2u

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A Space of No Reason

19/8/2025

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​There is a quiet space many people don’t talk about. A space where logic disappears, where explanations seem out of reach, where everything feels heavy and nothing seems to make sense.

In my world of mental health, I call this the space of no reason—and it’s something I’ve witnessed time and again in people who struggle with suicidal thoughts.

Often, the question people ask after hearing about a suicide is,

Why?
Why would they do this?
Why didn’t they ask for help?
Why couldn’t they see how much they mattered?

And sometimes, the honest answer is: there was no clear why. No single reason, no dramatic moment, no straightforward story. Just a crushing weight of hopelessness, loneliness, exhaustion, or pain that became too much to bear. A moment where the mind stopped reasoning, and survival felt impossible.

When someone is in that space, they’re not thinking about the future or about their worth. They’re thinking about escape. About relief. About making the unbearable stop.

It’s important we understand this not to justify suicide, but to soften the harsh judgments we place on those who struggle. To realise that suicidal thoughts are often the symptom of overwhelming pain, not selfishness or weakness.

If you’ve ever been in that space yourself, I want you to know:
  • You are not broken.
  • You are not a burden.
  • You don’t have to explain your pain for it to be valid.
  • And most importantly—you are not alone.

There are ways back from the space of no reason. Sometimes they’re small, sometimes they’re messy, but they are there. It might start with telling just one person how you really feel. It might be calling a helpline, reaching out to a counsellor, or simply taking the next breath.
For those supporting someone who is struggling, it’s not about having the right words. It’s about presence. About sitting with them in their pain without pushing them to explain it. About reminding them they are worthy of help, even when they can’t see it themselves.

Suicidal thoughts don’t always follow reason—but hope can quietly coexist with hopelessness. Recovery doesn’t require everything to make sense; it starts with being seen, being heard, and being held in the storm.

If you are in that space today, please reach out.
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You deserve to be here.
You deserve support.
You deserve life.

Thank you for letting me share these reflections. Even in the space of no reason, your life still matters - Stay gentle with yourself and let someone hold space for you.  Let's find a reason for living.


#SuicideAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #YouAreNotAlone #EndTheStigma #HopeAndHealing #CounsellingSupport #HoldSpace #ItsOkayToTalk #MentalHealthAwareness #CompassionInAction #Listening2U #HealingJourney #Wellbeing #SelfCompassion #EmotionalWellbeing

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    ​From My Side of the Chair - Counselling Reflections by Listening 2 U

    Welcome to From My Side of the Chair, a counselling and therapy blog written from the perspective of a counsellor and supervisor. I work integratively, with a strong foundation in the person-centred approach, and this space is where I share honest reflections on therapy, healing, and human connection.

    Through these posts, I explore what I notice in the counselling room, what moves me, what challenges me, and what I continue to learn from the people I sit alongside. Each reflection offers insight into the therapeutic journey, seen through compassion, curiosity, and presence.

    Whether you’re considering counselling, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking a moment of reflection, I hope these writings offer something that resonates. This is a space where being heard, seen, and understood matters because every ripple of healing begins with listening.

    Thank you for visiting and for reading, from My Side Of The Chair.

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